Will I ever Grow up?

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I am realizing again, and more then ever. That I repeat my behavior of the past. I really am the same person I was years and years ago. I still have the same desires, I still have the same fights. I still see people the same way, my family and friends. I feel no matter what I do, or think, I will always be this same child... simply with a new mask, a new phased. Almost as if all my "improvements" are simply better tactics of getting what I want. I am still a child, wanting Mommas attention. I am still a child screaming when he brakes my toy. I am still the child, that plays the "better man" and brushes off the anger first.


Do I ever do anything new? Do I ever make a decision that I could not predict in myself. Under our new polished bodies, all grown up. Are still the same ways and decisions. The same child, forever lurking wanting fighting and destroying. There is nothing that you can do to get out of it, even the Buddha was a wise child, that learned how to get what he wanted. He desired freedom, yet is there really ever a point where one truly is free from ones self? We are controlled by the controller, which is ourselves. We do the same things we always did, we think the same we always thought.

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This is why forgiveness does nothing, forgiveness is the only way out. There is no way out that you can "do". Doing is what got you drowning in your own desires. I have stated often that you only see the past, and you question often, on where that all began. You appease yourself and say it has built up with the last moment. Then it would be true that you have evolved from nothing. But if you added one word you would realize what it means. You see only the past thinking. Everything you know and see, is what you have thought of before. There is nothing new, it never was. It is the same joke with a mix of punch lines. Continue and your soon be tiered of the same old thoughts, that have gotten you only to desire more. Desire creates desire. Willingness, creates reason to be willing. And fear creates reasons to be afraid.

Now is the time again to realize that what you do, is not to determine your state of mind. Even if you do act the same as you did as a child, this is unimportant to the real battle. Ego makes up reasons to be depressed, reasons to feel down. The key part to realize is that it was the ego that mad it up. Not you, you only believed it, fell for the joke once again. Your memory will laps over itself, tell you have realized that every minute, has been the same instant. When will you desire to simply stop?

The answer is in the silence, not something that will be reviled, but what will be undone wile you are silent. The forgiveness that is accomplished in perfect stillness, is outstanding to the forgiveness wile working. It is not about what you do, but how well you pay attention to your thinking. Do you believe it, or fall for the joke? Or do you remember that it is a joke, and remember to laugh and smile, because you no you are not in or of the world you see. You are free, free from everything. And that is your free will, to understand.