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If there is no Body, what is the urge for Sex?

If there is no Body, What is the urge for food?

The idea here was deeply relieved as I was in the hot tub. I have been 'healing' my ideas of a body and the appropriateness of wearing anything in the tub. As I was meditating in the water nude, many ideas flood though my mind like water over the edge. As I tune in and center myself on God, the thoughts change from a scattered mess, to a seeming firm narrow flow of thoughts. They are not constant, but only when the silence is interrupted by a still craved desire. Usually in the form of a question, yet these questions always point me to a state where the mind is still and silent. It is easy to grab on to the thoughts and seemingly fall out of awareness of the divine. Yet has I listen to the questions arise from my subconscious and listen also to the answer the same way, the detachment of the situation allows the spirit to deflect my 'ideas' into being still. This is a bit of an idea how this last happened wile I was in the hot tub.

I was looking up at the tree above me, and my body flouting in the still water. A thought of the star above me and a desire to make it move come over me. The answer was not how, or what to do but simply 'there is no star' I quickly understood that my desier for the star to move was not a desire for the star to move, it was only the desire to be in a world separate from me. Before I got in the tub I was touched by the thought of David H. reached to people spending money, someone said "well david is so out there, there is no world" Which I knew in many experiences and intellectually, but do I know it fully I am willing to question. Back in the Hot tub the voice began to speak with everything my mind seemed to lay on, 'there is no tree, there is no water, there is no tub, there is no sky, there is no body, there is no sensations, there is no air, there is no world" "You only are, and believe your a body, you only are, and believe you are in a world" As i listened the walls of my seeming world were neatly laying down. I had no fear at all about this, for I have realized this before but I saw I was not in a body, I was not in a world, I was not in space, nor time I was NoWhere. I only saw that I simply believed that I was. I simply believed that I was a body, I simply believed that I was in the world, and that is all, I only believed it.

I then asked as I noticed who I really was was not here, "If I am not a body then what is the desire for sex?" I know this as the misinterpreted miracle urge, but what does that really mean. Well If I am seeming to desier sex, and I am not a body or in the world, what am I desiring? If I am at home with god right now, what is the desier for sex? I mean really, I don't want the bullshit answers where you give me course quotes. as I came back to focus on god, "you desire nothing" If I want food? "you want nothing" if I am doing something? "you do nothing" for I I do is a game of my mind. So no there is no world that god or you created, wile it seems to be yes, but in reality you do nothing. As if We choose to be blank in reality, wile we choose to conceive in this world.

So now the question really was not, If I am not a body then what is the desire for sex? but it was If I am not a body then what is the desire for form? the desire for illusions? the desire for meaninglessness? If there is no world why does it feel to complete me.

then the question is what do I NOT desire of reality, that i think i could gain here?

Now the question is, Why do I believe it and that is the split desier.

in reality there is no split, but then why does it seem to be so???

If there is no world, what is the urge to get out?


(Did not finish, posting it anyway)

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I seem to wake up with information from the spirit as he slowly dissolves away my understandings of life. Today, Like many I asked spirit what I should do today and instantly I started to understand the idea of Specialness in relationships, which has come up in my life the past few days. And as I learn to understand it more, I will take you with me. Special and holy relationships are not a way of being in a relationship but more of what the relationship is for, as many relationships between a man and a women are for a lost aspect of then selves where they feel they will be more or full when they are in a relation. This as you have noticed never happiness more then a few years, as the "holiness" of its Specialness dissolve away. Meaning that what makes it special is the perspective that you gain something you did not have before, as if the other is a soul mate that you have been with out for all time before. This Idea is nothing more then an excuse to be and feel less right now tell I get, have or gain my something, or someone. Then when receiving or gaining still not feeling whole, but that in a lie for some time, then returning to the same idea that there is something more out there to gain. A special relation is always this way, even for students coming to god, as they search for a "holy" relation hoping to gain a "holy" relation, as if it is something they do not have now, this is asking to never find a Holy relation.

A Holy relation is not about the relation, it is about the perspective that makes it holy. Is there a pare of two bodies that can be holy? No, two bodies to be holy is a contradiction in terms. The relation in a Holy perspective is a opportunity to show the atonement to yourself. They will show you, as your savior your blocks to the awareness of Love. The holy relationship is one that is gaining holiness, and healing the idea of specialness. Ultimately ending up is a perspective where all are equal and non are more special then the other. This can only be up-taned when one is willing to look at themselves as the block, the problem that keeps it a different way. Then using all relations to show them the blocks. It is always the lesson of the teacher, one that takes responsibility for every action as a calling and teaching of the spirit. To be fully open with the others and hide nothing, for the goal of truth is desired more then the goal of specialness. Hide nothing from a brother to teach them they are not special for they are the same as you, and you as him.

A holy relation becomes that way by a willingness to look at the cause and question its purpose. The cause being that which you think you are. What is the purpose of that which you think you are? To understand this is more then simply knowing who you are. To understand this is to use the vision of the holy spirit in understanding the cause. The purpose is in removing, and relieving is a passive way of retaining. You do not gain anything as you would from Specialness, you receive only back that which you hid from yourself. Tie the not with the spirit for NOW not eternity, The bodies will seem to change with you but the lesson is always the same, more and more you receive the remembrance of truth as you are humble enough to admit you think you do not have it now, and wish for it.

Only in this process is truth received with relations, Yes they are your savior but only a teacher are they when your willing to be a student. You must refrain from the step that you think you know, so you can remember. Teach yourself and nothing is received, but that which you already have, and understand. Be willing to reach beyond your self to find yourself. teach that you would learn today, teach that you realize you are the student and you look to everyone for salvation. In this is the relation Holy. As it resembles the relation with the Holy Spirit. Let every relation be a symbol of your devotion to be guided to truth. Follow in symbol of your humility and gratitude for salvation is at hand.

What they say, and do will seem to hurt you at times. Heal this. The pain you feel is a block you wish to remove so you may return to the knowledge of the father. The pain and emotion you carry is in your protection to remain safe in your terror of a death-full body of decay. To be free is to remove the pain and emotions that you tie yourself with. Choose today to be free. The holy relation is in thy self. The holy relation sees the blocks surfacing to be healed. ALL relations are Holy, if you choose to use them for remembering Holiness. Use all relations, for saviors must always save.

It is not important to teach, for they need no learning. They are there for you to learn, they are what you hide from yourself. Allow your savoir to be your savoir and teach you with out words, the way to truth. Follow as you follow me, and receive the truth. There is nothing lost in this practice, you do not loose an opportunity to teach or heal. You never had the opportunity, but only in illusions. They d what you wish, and are what you need, can you see your savoir beyond their form and word? Do this and you see with vision.

Seek not for a relation to be holy, only seek that you will remember in a relation, the truth. Teach not them this, for they teach you. There is only you lost in the land. A dream, you made to loose yourself. Choose to use it to remember, and believe not what is said. only believe they are your savior and hold tight to their truth. Seeing the light they are is choosing to learn they are you. Truth is only true when you believe it to be, but it remains forever the same. Are you willing to see you choose to hide the truth? Choose again to hide no more, and be free as you choose to be saved.

Freedom is only uptaned when the ideas of freedom are set free. You can not remember freedom if you think you know it already and yet are not free, Humble yourself to realize you tie yourself to the world, and choose again to be free.


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If the Effect is now, the Cause is now.

The world is Effect, what is the Cause?

I woke up yesterday feeling a bit stuffy and by the end of the evening I was feeling like doo doo. I was drawn to read Chapter 26 Section VIII. The Immediacy of Salvation. To get strait to it, I feel sick this is a cause that I am perceiving. Yet I realized quickly that this is a very superficial effect on top of many other effects. The whole world is and effect of effects intern being one big effect. But to my knowledge I could not seem to rap my head around it at the time, I asked the spirit "What is the Cause?" and received the answer "You are the cause" But I kept asking what did I do, was it negative thoughts? was it repressed emotions? was it fear, and resistance of deep healing? What was it that made Me the cause of this. I was stuck in a mindset of my earler years of Medical intuition but I was not going to be content with any superficial emotions or ways this time. I have been going through lessons learning how my true self is pure and perfect and can not do anything wrong.... Then why the bloody cheese cake was I sick! The spirit told me "I am not in the questions I am the answer" meaning the answer to my questions about what did I do, was "I". I thought about this all night and it wasn't tell leila came in this morning did I finally get it, I have known this before but now I really realized it. It was nothing I was doing, or thinking, but only the fact that I was doing, and thinking. "You are the Cause" means the thinking mind, that I think I am. it is the intellect that processes and analyzes and salves, the game is to seek and do not find, because it will not look at it self. It is always and answer to every problem. So "I" am not in the questions "I" am the answer to it, "What did I do to get the effect?" I exist.

The intellect wants to make more separation of separation, as if there are many causes and many effects. yet it comes only down to one cause, and one effect. All the world is one single effect, and the ego is one single cause. Almost as if it was the simple itself of the "tree of Knowledge" where Adam and Eve where cast out of the paradise for. where they cast out by god? and god was the cause of there now pain and misery? no they where cast of because the knowledge they gained and created, ended the idea of eternity. The knowledge that many forms must be to allow the world to be.

What is the cause? you are. The self you think you are that keeps you apart from your brothers. The self that chooses to be separate from the world as if it was possible to denie the world of its cause. there is no possible way for an effect to exist with out its cause, yet we believe it is possible for a cause to no longer exist but the effect remains. If this were so then time is a fact that could not be shaken. So the question is about time and space. In the section it talks about how space is only apparent now and really only visible at this moment. So if space is only now. Then the cause must also only be now.

Many times does the couse talk about choosing again for happiness, choose again for love. As if it is right now the choose is made, yet we blame the situation and people that bother us. Even as this choice the cause of the world is a choice to exist, to exist at all, to exist as a separate self from god. Right in this moment I denie god of me, as if I am lusifer in the 'War of Heaven' saying "Give all the glory to me!" I am worthy I deserve the attention. Yet even in this moment I am still in the war of heaven. Battling the instent of eternity to exist as my own self. As if it is still the beginning of time, as if the big bang is right now. I choose and choose again to be my own self, separate from god and my seeming creations.

This topic is talked about beautifully in this video below.


Could it be true that right now I am in eternity of only an instant, and I bring past instants to this one. As if the past one's do not exist only my belief in them? All the things I have and body and ideas, are all of the past. Where one simple idea started it all. Am I humble enough to admit it if I was the devil, if I was the anti-christ hiding my true self from myself. Could I be both the christ and the Anti-Christ? As if they are the ideas in which I think. I crucify my self every time I make a decision, a choice that is based off of the past and my ideas. Only a seeming outside source could be the answer to this conflict with in myself. The self being the Anti-christ and the truth being christ. I call and ask the spirit to show me, but how would I know it is not the anti-christ deceiving me. The self wants me to be stuck in a cycle seeking and seeking for a truth that is not. could it be that the only way to find it is where you can not look? A place that has no placeless or shape, or address. The place where no man could go, a place where truth is. A seeming place that the true self is. can you find it? No, you are it.

I think, therefor I am separate. The first few lessons of the workbook remind us that the thoughts we have now are all of the past. If there is no past, then I have no thoughts, and the world we see is the thoughts we think. So the world must not be if the past is not. If I am Now, why do I see the past? I must be only the belief I am past, as if in one moment I started to remember the past moment. Then remembering more and more of the past moments lived, this being a landslide of thoughts and beliefs, mixing up the cause with the effect. the choice to remember the past is the choice to forget the cause. But if I am the cause how can I forget myself. The seeming projection on the world around us and blame, keeps us from finding it. Was it an ego that started this war? or was an ego created because of the war. When I chose to think and remember, the concepts about the self, where stored in a vault of 'memory' and then based the 'new' self off of the memories of the self before. To forgive yourself, is to forgive the concepts of the self. To be born again is to realize a new moment is a whole new self and can choose again to be the war or the truth. Fight the truth or be the truth? If it is that simple to choose, then why do I still choose to fight the truth and be the cause. If I see the effect I choose to be the cause. If I am in the world, I have chosen to be the devil. Can I choose again? Will I choose again? Will I come to God?

As I walk through the valley of death, I fear no evil for I am the devil him self and everyone fears me. Can I be humble enough to realize I want this world? Can I be humble enough to admit I want God dead, I want his power so I can destroy worlds and crucify the christ for eternity. Can I see I want to be lost in the darkness, when I hide the light in the only place I will never look. Am I Strong enough! Am I willing enough to see that I am the roman empire and the hitler of ages and the darkest demons of the great abuse? How willing am I for truth!?

If I am willing, then I must admit that right now I do not want truth. That I am here in a world and I am looking for the truth. I will never find the truth, for I am the truth. I am the ego that hides, I am the warrior that is fighting the love of god. I am trying to put down my guard, I wish to lay down my sword, I scream for assistance as I am lost in myself. I do not know how to use the key, where is the door to eternity. Father! Father! I lie and lie to myself again and again. I do not know how, I do not know how, I do not know HOW! ...Will you show me, will I be humble enough to follow?

The road to truth is the road I do not see, a road in a placeless place. When I find this road I can not follow it for the road is nowhere, can I trust you to lead me? Can I trust myself to follow? What will I do if I lead, What if I do not know how to follow? The darkest game I play with myself, a game of torture and gore. How do I know when I follow I do not follow myself, deceiving myself. How can I know anything when everything is in me. I am the creator of the world! The world must obey me! I must then run free and safe for I am the boss, I am the chief! I want it this way! ...Is this what I really want?

if I want truth, can I lead? I see and know only the past, where would my leading take me but a place I have been before. A new land must come from a new place. Am I willing to admit I am only the past? I am only in the past? Do I really want more then the past? If it is new, and not of the past, I then must not be able to conceive what it is. I must then have no clue what or where. I only keep myself hidden. Is there a guide for me? One that knows the way, one that sees what I do not know. One that is greater then the walls I have made? A guide not of the world I made, a guide not of the past where I reside. A guide of truth, leading me to truth. Am I humble to follow? If I follow, I must realize I know nothing, for everything I know is past, and deceiving. So I admit it, I do not know. I act as if I know so I will hide from truth, I know only that I lie to everyone and thing, I lie to myself, for I wish for my own death. I know not the ways home! I know not the way of truth! I know nothing father! I know nothing! knowing is what got me in this mess. I let go of my knowledge and follow in silence. Lead me father lead me home.




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( WIth the teachings and approach of a 'A Course in Miracles' student )



Well with the title I can tell you I woke up just now knowing I should write about it, yet I have fear and blocks with all areas of this subject. With out using my past as an excuse just a very brief background. I was raised LDS aka Mormon and in the deepest teachings of the church it says sex should only be between a married man and women, who wish to have children and it can only be in missionary stile. Now most mormons don't even know this, but it is true in utah it is a old ancient law that only missionary position is legal. as well as premarital sex is illegal, these laws are in the books, but not enforced at all. Brigham Young was a 'Prophet' of the church and founded Utah creating these laws, which have only been grandfathered in to todays books.

I am spinning of the subject but I wanted to give you an Idea where Sex is in the eyes of the people I was raised by. I have fear about talking about this and getting into it. Yes it seems true I am a man, and do have seeming urges as a man for a women's body. Is it about upstanding from sex? What do I feel spirit teaching me in this subject I would like to pass on and share with you. Of course sex involved two (or more) bodies with the exception of toys and lotions, if it can really be called sex. But how can a spiritual teaching, or teacher talk about or do this act when it is God it seeks, almost as if they are two ends of the spectrum and God is seeming on the good side, in contrary to most men my age believe, and desire. So it seems the ego would like sex to be a bad thing, and the desire for a body to be a 'moral' sin. What if it wasn't? What if its not about the bodies at all? What if even when I think I want sex, I really want God, but I hide my idea of god behind the body of a beautiful woman?

There has been talk around here that the 'URText' of 'A Course in Miracles' says that it is not sex that is the problem but that you think you can get pleasure from it that is. Meaning from my perspective is that the pleasure is not in sex in two ways, one being when you think your pleased your really lying to yourself, because deep down you really want these bodies to be real and so you get then to 'feel' as much as possible and hurt as much as possible, almost as if it also is a punishment for those imprisoned in the fleshy body. And two being you think that in the body of another there is something that your missing, and you need to rip them open t find it, or shove them inside to get it. As if the part that you don't have can be some how transfered of to you if there is enough friction, with so many orgasms and bighting and scratching as possible. As if our only goal was God, and its in you so lets go Fuck! Assuming that the closeness of the bodies could enhance it or bring god together.

Well in my understanding of this is God is in the person you desire, because they are in your minds, and God is the mind in which you think. God is not out there in a body you can get closer to. the body in front of you is not closer or farther to you even if it was running away (Naked for fun) the body in front of you is in your mind, it never was out there, only your belief said it was out there, because it seems to have a mind of its own and life of its own free will. So if the body I wish to have sex with for an example is simply in my head why do I need to go to it and get close to it, when I am it. Couldn't tell you, this really is the logic and insanity of the ego. But it all relies on one truth. Is it true that all things are in the mind of the dreamer?

If I come from a place of loss, or a place that I think I do not have something or someone and I can get it from the other, then I believe that I am separate and I believe that the secret to all the universe is in that body, and not in a tree (less your paul) Then I believe it is in that body and not in a car or a house or a pile of deep dog shit. So as the story goes I would much rather be humping a smooth body then a pile of dog doo doo. Is that special? apsilutly, my UN-willingness to be open to the whole illusion is insanity, to think that one body shape illusion is more then a doo doo or car shaped illusion. They are all illusion, they are not different in anyway. Now of course I don't mean you can go get pleasure out of humping a muffler (which is illegal in North decoda) I mean you can't get pleasure from any of them, nothing in form is pleasurable. Its like Pornography there is no pleasure in watching it, tell you turn your head a bit and start coming from a place where you think you can get something from it. the pleasure was and is a choice in our minds, lets go there yes Sex Dreams or in my case Wet Dreams.

A dream where it seems as if you engage in an activity that seems to give your body pleasure and even to the brink of orgasm. a wonderful display of the pleasure being in our minds. To get you deeper to understanding this, a bit about dreams. Dreams are the chose of your seeming mind thinking and imaging events or situations that you desire or fear. So in other word your mind it thinking! Your mind thinks! great this is good, your mind seems to think. Well the point is when you woke from the dream where you just got a "Nice piece of ass" and happened to ejaculate in your shorts... did you really get a "nice piece of ass" in this seeming reality you woke up to? No it was all in your mind, even the "nice piece of freaking ass". So must I wait to get pleasure when it is in my mind? It would then seem I could just choose not to get aroused and ejaculate here in my pants wile I am typing this up. is that possible? Some would question it of course, but why do you question is the question, because we believe in some illusions being different then other illusions. As if the imaginations of our seeming mind was not real and the body in front of us was. What if that body was you still in a dream? it would feel real, it would look real... but this time it really was not apart from you imagination, it WAS your imagination! So is my goal to get allot of imaginary "nice piece of holy freaking ass"?

My goal is not to be a celibate monk or a dude that gets allot of "ass". I choose to follow guidance, for the healing of mind from all these crazy ideas of seeming levels in a illusionary world and mind that thinks it is apart from it. My goal is to not say no, no try and get it. for there is no difference. my goal is to treat everyone like I treat dog shit... ok maybe not like that. But I think you get the idea, the goal is to have no judgments in their differences. All my brothers are one, all my brothers and sisters are welcome to my bed. I do not run and I do not force. I except life as it is, for there is not a difference in two or many illusions they are all the same illusion. Now now I am open for full healing of mind. Now I am willing to go where ever the spirit guides me, even if it means in bed with my ‘Enemy'. Would it guide me to my humiliation and darkest grief?

Guidance seems to be a tricky thing in these parts of the mind. The ego so easily wants to say, "what kind of holy spirit tells me to go have sex with a married women, or even sex at all" Again as if there was a difference with a married women and non married women, or even a man, or even sex as the action or eating... different illusions in a one illusional world, what makes them different? Judgment of the mind. and as I said, my goal is to have no judgments. So if it was true that guidance did tell you to have sex with a married women (as an example) it is not necessarily saying do it, no is it necessarily saying don't. Beyond the words it says heal your mind of these judgments, heal your mind that you believe and think there is a difference in two illusions. they are the same, and they are all illusion. It seems many would have fear if the new guidance was telling to be with a married women, for all the consequences and meanings that we have behind it, it IS a holy freaking commandment for peat sake! This fear about that, is a fear of a judgment, a judgement is a belief in thought, thinking it is separate... Heal your mind of judgment, Forgive yourself, forgive others, they never were real and they never were different. illusion is all illusion. So then where is the best place to "Do it"?

Is it in the pool, or the beach? in the rain or a graveyard? in bed or a tree? On top or on me? on TV or on youtube? on the short or on the Long? To me it is the same place it always has been, the best place to make some sweet love music is in your mind, for there is no place out of it. Where? is not the question, but from where am I? is closer to placing it properly. How do I see this person? do I see then a separate and in this action am I gaining? or do I realize they are one with me passionately loving the self. The mind in which I think is God, in truth it is beyond form completely and Sex has nothing to do with truth just as much as God loves chocolate cake. Pleasures of the world are not bad, it is only the mistaken idea that you think you get pleasure from them. Some say a state of nirvana is as an orgasm as I would have to agree. It is also said that enlightenment is a feeling of continues perfect orgasm. Is this the goal? Joy is the goal, bodies only reflect the ideas the mind has. To realize joy constantly, your body will feel joy the same way. The question is really, do I feel my body?

The body and feeling is the confusion of cause and effect, to jump striate to it. The mind produces all the pleasures of the world, yet we think they are in the world. I have found I can choose to be drunk if I wish to be drunk, and its cheep too because I do it with out alcohol. If I wish to be High, I meditate on it, for a moment and I start tripping out as if I was. I learned from this that it really is and always was just a choice in my mind. Magic is thinking that Pot has the ability to make you choose, as in if I smoke it I will have no choice but to be high. But in the choice to 'seemingly' smoke it, you choose to be hight too. but in your mind. The choice is in the mind, it always was. So I can and always do, choose first to have pleasure then project that pleasure in the world and deny myself of that pleasure tell I get the projection back. As if the projection really left. What a relief, it is still where it always has been. I bring it back to its origin and responsibility I take. The question is, is there really or can there ever be responsibility for illusions? ...Only in insanity.

So many students of the course still say that sex is a distraction, or anything at all could be. lets take meditation for an example. most people think meditation can ONLY be done in silence. Yes it is easer to start learning meditation in silence but a true meditator can meditate in all noise, not because he is a master but because he realizes the noise is the manifestations of his mind. Where is the noise? It is in my mind. The noise will sooth you as you realize the truth for it is not about noise it is about you. Is sex a distraction, only when you think of it like noise coming from outside, appose to coming from your mind. Its not about not doing it, nor is it about doing it... it is about truly fully excepting everything in you.

So I conclude, will I have sex with you? YES!!! of course I will, I am a young man after all. lol But as I have been saying, in truth it is impossible to have sex with you, for you are in my mind, and I am a thought in God. In truth you can't do anything wrong, because you can't really do anything. You are at peace, and there is nothing to disturb it, and I mean there is nothing. Yes I am here to heal my pain and problems, but also I am here to heal my pleasures also. I want truth above all else, and I am willing to do and go anywhere for it, I follow where I am guided.



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A wonderful practice in surety has happened often here. one being an example,a few days ago I was very intuned and and meditative. I could feel the deep resonation of the presence of love. I could hear and feel the world around me and remembered that which was laid before me. I was in a state where I was observing the world, including myself and what I would do.

The night before, I was told "You will not be going to NYC" and it brought up anger in me because I wanted to trust that was from spirit. I meditated of the reasoning for going to NYC and found that the reason is clear. I stuck in my surety and even was prompted to get a early bus ticket the next morning. I started looking up and finding out course groups in NYC. I did get very in tune with this as my guidance. I felt myself called downstairs, when the next minute or so, Armelle come up and asked me to join them downstairs. So the guidance and her confirmation I did so very confidently. This is when I was very tuned in and Meditating. We sat together and got very deep in meditation when I mentioned the feelings that I feel I could do something wrong, I felt as if I could screw things up, which is a common feeling in my life. When Armelle looked at me with firm a surety and asked "Who is speaking now" referring to spirit or ego. I distinctively knew I should not answer yet. I felt very peaceful and said "does it matter" "Who is speaking" she said again and again, and trying to get me to answer, with her raised voice she insisted on my answer "I am" I said, "I am speaking" "your avoiding the question" she said.

Finally I felt guided and I said "Spirit Speaks" "Who speaks?" she yelled, "Spirit speaks" I stated, and to my very much surprise, she said "Then you can not do anything wrong". ...My mind was blown! My mind went empty... If I trust I am coming from spirit, I must trust everything I do and say is so. I realized fully in that moment that it is simply the idea that I could do something wrong that is the attack thought. Not the action at all. I knew this in my mind, yet now I really felt it and it was clear. I am Spirit, I am the wholly Spirit and the ego thoughts are to think there is another way of being or thinking. With our now joyest laughter we enjoyed a wonderful 20 minutes or so, busting our sides.

It was true, and if I thought it wasn't I simply stopped trusting in it, that is all. Does not trusting make it a fact? No I can not do anything about it, What I am is the spirit, and everything I do is guided by spirit, for I allow it through... no thought can get me to think I am wrong, or else spirit is wrong and that is impossible.

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A wonderful practice we have here at the awakening mind community is 'No Private Thoughts'. The purpose of this are many, yet the main purpose is to expose the hidden tricks of the ego. The ego thinks it can have Private thoughts and ideas, as it is what believe it is separate and has a separate life from others. This in truth is false, there are no privet areas or thoughts, or life. So no longer will I hide, thinking I can do something wrong or say a seeming 'inappropriate' or 'dis-respectful' thing. So below is a letter to a wonderful reflection of the son of god. I am putting the no Private thoughts into practice, and even more so wile I publish it on-line. It is wonderful because the fear that comes up in me, when I am doing this is a "block" to the awareness of true Love's presents. Now it comes up and I choose again and forgive it as a false thought.

Jess and I met on on www.ACIMChat.Ning.Com in the chat box there, as soon as we met we both felt a strong connection and knew allot of healing will take place between us. As it has been for me with many people, the reason I do thing has become into question. From this letter to now, I have learned that it is not about what I do, but how I do it. Meaning with the surety of the spirit, knowing that I am perfect and pure, and there is nothing I can do about it. I am perfect and can't screw it up. I had thoughts that maybe I was drawn to Jess, and people of the past because I was attracted to them. "All bodily impulses are misinterpreted Miracle impulses" Means that when one thinks it is about the body, it is a misunderstood. It is a call to the unity of mind. It is one way of healing. we could say healing is letting down the walls and barriers that we call self concepts, that really do not allow us to be our deepest truth. Any time one is called to another in anyway, we can trust that it is for the healing of Mind. Wile used properly the proses will remove these concepts and feelings to allow your truth through more and more. The question is, How willing are you to face the fear that seems to be in your way of exposing and following.

For a bit of background, Jess also expressed a thought of traveling with me around the country, She had already planned on going on a trip alone and asked the spirit for someone to travel with. We came together on the chat, almost at the same time and it all fell into place.

I am completely willing, and this is my letter to Jess about a week ago.

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Jess,

Here I am at 5 in the morning and I can't seem to get my mind off of you, and your presence. I told you how important it was to be open and expose thoughts. So here I am, I would like to tell you how my mind seems to be grabbing this, and were it seems to be taking me. Something I mentioned to you was how every desire we have is really a miss interpreted call to remembering truth. I am coming to realize this reality more with your presence in my mind. It seems as thou I am very attracted to you, and there are many things my mind thinks about doing with you. I have been taken on a journey in remembering that all the world is in the mind, and every seeming body is also in that mind, as I (being a body) desire your body or presence, as if it were different then others bodies or presence, then yes I have made it "special" yes to the idea that all is mind this really is not a problem for the desire of us to be together is a desire for these two 'portion's of mind to join. Yet this is very tricky because this has nothing to do with bodies. the bodies joining is only a symbol of the mind joining first. The Mind being everything must remain open to everything, or it seems to favor one illusions with another illusions, they are both illusions. There are no levels to the illusions, but that level of realization that it is all mind. As I grasp this more I loose it, for the holding the thought in mind is to make it "special" and think a thought can be better or greater then another.

The goal is to remember the unity of illusions and the unity of mind, and tell the difference of each other. The fact is I really have no clue what that means or could begin to describe it to you, for the life stile it all holds is a floaty fluffy life that really makes nothing "special" intern making everything "special". Can that be described, only with the examples of life experience. For one, if you and I traveled together we would fall even more for each other, but I give everything to the mercy of the holy spirit, and he uses it for healing. As every relationship there are difficulties, but these will have to do with being open. The ego will fight with the willingness to be open in every area. I am in the practice of treating all illusions as illusions, and exposing them. So to be forward about this, I do not want to restrict myself from loving everyone in every way, and neither of is going to take this peacefully. But eventually as our willingness is high, we will find unity of illusions and realize all bodies are the same, and all relationships are open.

What I am trying to say is we will learn allot from each other, and it will seem hard at times but this is the healing. Holy spirit orchestrates it perfectly to flow in the healing of mind. I give it all up for healing, even my idea of you, and desire to be and talk to you. What he does with it is un-known to me now, so I trust that its the good of the mind, not necessarily good for me, or you.

My only goal is the peace of God, working with you, goal remains the same. I know you too can use our relationship to for this same purpose. If that means just friends, great. If that means more, or less, Great. I only desire the peace of God, and trust the path before me is leading to that. A part of me wants to think it should not think of you 'specially' and to keep it together. I just now vaigly see, that this is another barrier i hold. I have to admit I am attracted to many people and very much to you, and many times I think it is physically. But as I think about it being the true desire for healing, I must be open that it just might be the spirit bringing us together. I am willing to follow all the feelings I have, trusting it is spirit. I do not want to judge my feelings, I will let him judge them for me. So I lay them out on the table, I do want to be with you in a close passionate way. The connection and call is very deep, and I know you feel the same.

I hope we both follow and continue to trust, we are in good hands. I would love for you to travel with me, the lessons we would learn are endless. When ever you are ready and let go of your life, your new life is ready, and gently is it placed in your possession.

With Peace I am allways here with You.
-Devan J. Byrne

PS Your fear shows you where the light is hidden. Squeeze through the fear and find your peace.


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Below is another letter to here about being in the right mind.

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Jess,

One question we ask ourselves here, is "do I do this from a place of lack" meaning do I think I will gain something in a situation that I do not have now. This is very tricky for me because the reason most of us are on a spiritual journey is because we feel we are missing something in our lives. So we are constantly searching for something that is now here, as if there is a answer out there in the world but we continue filling this whole with every book and word of thought or religion we feel good with at the time. This is a distinct sign that one would be in the wrong mind. I do not mean don't do, go or be that thing, but realize that your worth is not in that thing, or in that person, or that place.

Today I had the thought that if I was unsure if I was in a place of lack or not, I could ask myself one easy question. "Would I be more happy with it, then I am with out it?" "would I feel better with it, then I do with out it?" or "DO I feel less now, then I will when I_____". These meaning, if answered yes, "I am not in-touch with my truth, which needs nothing, and can not gain or louse." So clearly in the perception of mind that is not most helpful for the healing of old belief systems.

With the situation before us I would like to keep my mind on the firm choice to stay in the right mind. So anytime I feel I could gain something with being with you for an example, I am coming from the state of lack. In order to stay in a state were nothing is needed, or avoided I must realize I am not a part of this world and what I do, I really do not. It seems to be an idea to allow myself to do whatever I want to do, but it is not. In that place you do not strive for or fight for, those things you think you need. You trust and continue to trust that everything you "need" will be pervided for. Less you get a strong push or inspiration to do something, you do not need to do it. When you do do something you do it trusting that you are in the write mind. Knowing that it will not make you better, happier, grater, or more. Nor will it make you less, sadder, painful, or fearful. Your truth is unshakable and the conditions of yourself can not change, even when it seems the world around you does. What I do does not matter, where my mind is, does.

As you said it seems as though our only lack is to the awareness of Loves presence, really being an awareness you can not lack it but only act as if you do not. Love is alway there, so really the awareness of it is nothing but an acceptance or acknowledgement that it is there. The course is here to teach us the awareness by teaching us everything love is not. We then must learn that everything we thought it was, was wrong. This is so great because it bring so much joy to realize you do not need to lean or strive for the 'gaining' of love for it is here. But the trick is that even as I have nothing and have been hurt by someone is, it is still here. The love is not in me, the love is not in a event or a path or a thing, or any person. It is only in you. I can only help you to remove the blocks to its presence. Al relationships are for this purpose, all life is for this purpose. I am willing to follow guidance and do what needs to be done, to be truly helpful in assisting your awareness, as too with everyone. for all I do is heal myself, from self-hood.



-Devan J. Byrne

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As I woke up 5 minutes ago Someone asked me in my dream about 'A Course in Miracles' Students and their morality and values, the spirit in me spoke back as I was waking up. In the dream I had Seville piercing including two ear and my dimples piercing and many tattoos. As this person asking me I could tell was someone from my past, a member of the "Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder day Saints" (LDS / Mormon) They hold strong values and treat their bodies as temples, of holy value. I seeming to have grown up as a Mormon, and do not hold myself to the standards that they wish for me. This is How the question and answer went as spirit filled my mind, and continues to in this moment.

Q: As I see students of the course loose their standards and morality I do not see why I would want to be a part of something that allows someone to loose the value for themselves and tolerate treating themselves with a lack of respect. Why would Jesus ask someone to not respect who they are.

A: As the students appear to loose standards, and morality. Their value and respect as been increase and directed more intently at their source. As it may seem one looses their respect for them selves because they get a tattoo or piercing, it is achally the opposite. If they understand properly, truly they gained a respect for themselves that they no longer need to cover up and hide with these images of seeming morality. They allow them selves to follow out of a divine purpose, not a purpose of high appearance. For when it appears they have lost value for them selves, they really have increased their value for their true selves and let themselves be themselves. If they do the course properly, they no longer hiding their hatred and depression for themselves under a false impression, seeming to be trustable. They realize the Life they live now, dose NOT determine the value of who they truly are. As they find their true-selves their care or their image is not in priority. Their new found priority is in their source, the father that created them. They realize what they do and say is not a form of worship, but a form of loosing worship. They no longer desire to Lie to themselves and fear the judgment of others, for only the judgment of their creator matters. They come to realize they have been judged by their creator and they were found purely innocent and free. For it is not what they do that determines their value but who they are, and always have been. As they study the course they realize the identity they have held, was a image they have made and not anything like who they truly are. Out of respect they let their borders down and no longer judge what they do, say, act or wear.


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I realized as I woke up fully, I used this dream as a symbol for my own seeming "lack" in morals. I realized I feel and judge that way about myself and about others who do have many piercing and tattoos. I have come out of this journey with a new tattoo, but simply because I do not need to judge that I do. But only that which I am, and that is truly pure and innocent of everything the ego seems to wish, or desire to do to itself. I forgive myself of these belief systems, I forever hand them to you spirit, do with them that would most help the whole.


With Peace I am allways here with You.
-Devan J. Byrne

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As I was under the water in the shower this morning, I remembered how passionately I sang the songs on my church. I would fall asleep at night singing music. But I realized this morning, I always sang to God, not to others. A song of worship and prase. The particular song I thought of this morning was one I sang to God alot, I remember being in bed Looking at the stars on my sealing and truly believing that I would be taught by God. I came to realize this was the beginning of my call to god, when he began to speak back, and I was open enough to hear. Tell this day I sing this song, I have know idea what will be taught I only know he is teaching me what I do not remember.

The first verse is the only verse I sang, and is the one that I sang to God, as he sang back.



As you may have noticed the second verse is a parent singing back to the child. Saying that they know the way, follow me. I sang it to God, God sang back. To this day I am be taught by God, not a church or religion. I see that no one knows the way, but that who is a voice for god. I listen today for I know god speaks.

I am Not what I do, I am Not what I say.
I am Not what I think, I am Not what I am.
I am Not where I am, I am Not where I am not.
I am Not my feelings, I am Not my Pain.
I am Not my joy, I am Not my joy!
I am Not anything I think I am.
I am Not anything I don't think I am.
I am Not my words, I am Not my ideas.
I am Not my talents, I am Not my fears.
I am Not my body, I am Not my hatred.
I am Not my loss, I am Not Gain.
I am Not emptiness I am Not fullness,

I am Not of the world, I am Not perceivable,
I can not be comprehended, I am not an Idea.

...I am More, Much More.